I arrived on planet Earth as an ugly baby (except through the eyes of my mother), sad but true.
As a young child I spoke with an unexplainable accent, strange but true. Growing up it became apparent that I was
home to two conflicting energies, that I refer to as the bunny and the bull. The bunny: gentle, content, with an easeful disposition, kind heart and free spirit. The bull: stubborn, tough, with a no pain no gain mentality and a fierce competitive drive. Throughout elementary school I struggled with traditional learning until I began to feed the bunny through art,
and the bull through athletics. These two energies independently excelled but were not at peace.
The bull continued to dominate the bunny. Feeling continuously conflicted and being pulled in two
At age 14 an unexpected gift was brought into my life, the birth of my niece Kayla.
I became an aunt to this amazing child who named me Mesa. Kayla taught me true love and the importance
of maintaining a light, open heart. This was yet another opportunity for the bunny and the bull to meet.
This love taught me how to soften and nurture and relentlessly protect.
The bunny began to shine but the bull was still the boss.
Through college I continued to pursue art and rode the wave of competition as a scholarship athlete.
Day after day my life was driven by competition and fear of perceived failure. My value was always tied to my
performance against others. I grew physically and mentally exhausted. My body was beat up, suffering from injury
and abuse — not only was I training hard, but I was partying hard and masking the pain. My mind was beat up and
the conflict between the bunny and the bull was coming to a head. I confided in an art professor, and she advised
I attend a yoga class with her. I was introduced to a realm I had no idea existed, I didn't know you could rest
without sleeping. I began learn how to give permission to rest and be still.
I choose to step away from the athletic world for the first time in my life and found myself struggling with identity but knew I was ready
for change. I grew my wings and took flight on my first solo journey across the world: to New Zealand. Here I discovered a culture rooted in
The Natural World, an epically diverse environment, and a society focused on sustainability and ingenuity. The bunny was here and no longer intimidated by the bull. With butterflies in my stomach and warmth in my heart, I knew I was changing.
I returned home from abroad, finished college, and immediately started a small art-based company, Mesa Enterprises.
As I began to open up to this transformation, there was a distinct eruption. Within a matter of months I lost my grandfather
who lived with me, along with my dog, shattered my knee, split with my partner, and was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. After grieving, undergoing two reconstructive knee surgeries, unable to walk for 5 months and learning about this chronic autoimmune disease, I realized something had to shift. Struggling to get my symptoms under control, I made the bold choice to dive deeper
into my suffering in an effort to explore its underlying teachings. What I found here is that pain is not weakness. My ability to face pain and hold it with compassion is perhaps my greatest strength. The bull and the bunny are one in this strength.
The bull does not need to dominate and the bunny does not need to fear. They are capable of living
together in peace, in a union that I refer to as determined compassion.
I accepted this as my path and with practice I have learned to honor my struggles as my teachers. I understand now that
when I am in my power I am a Calm Bull, a Steadfast Bunny, no longer needing to display my strength through force,
or run from discomfort. Acknowledging the waves of aggression and lapses of equanimity are the only moments I can be
taken from peace. The matador can never conquer the Calm Bull and the hunter can never catch the Steadfast Bunny.
Today Mesa Lifestyle serves to guide others to merge their internal forces through practice within art, nature,
and yoga – enabling individuals to honor their inner teacher and find their freedom.